When I fool myself, I find
My foundation is shaking;
The ground under my feet splits
And darkness seeps up
and out of the earth;
The smog of past regrets
curls and unfurls
Enfolding me in a restricting embrace;
The brooding cloud softens to fog
Obscuring the future, and doubt
Seeps into my bones.
Tracing the trail of misery,
The source eludes me:
It is not external.
When fears are bundled in truths,
Laughing in tandem with the
shuddering of my soul,
A restless spirit takes up residence,
Fervent with longing,
Overflowing with dissatisfaction.
Chaos’ court reigns:
What once was sweet is bitter,
Sorrow is joy’s epilogue.
Further and further I drown
In my callous words, chromium-hard,
Dripping like acid into my bloodstream.
Scrabbling to stop this insanity,
My efforts produce more discontent:
A cancer of the spirit.
When I am at my sickest,
I am overcome with anguish,
Of which I know not how to escape;
From the recesses of childhood
a steady whisper:
Abba.
Piercing through the tenebrous cloud,
You patiently guide me
Through the treacherous terrain.
Your comfort abounds and
Incomprehensible peace
Flows over me, but
In my stumbling stubbornness,
I listen to the lies and
Stare into the abyss, yet
You hold me close
Intoning again and again:
You are precious.
You are loved.
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